I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lbs of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

This is an example of Chic Murray's humor.

Other examples include:

• We've got stained glass windows in our house. It's those damned pigeons.

• A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.

• My next door neighbor said "Is it O.K. if I use your lawnmower?" I replied, "Certainly, just don't take it out of my garden!"

• My girlfriend's a redhead. No hair, just a red head.
  

"Granny" with Chic Murray circa 1957/8

And just so you know, that is Ted hiding at the bottom of the picture dressed in his Lone Ranger outfit.

Reflections on life ...

For some reason, this evening, I have been thinking about my mother; she will be 85 this year and is a shadow of her former self. Suffering from Alzheimer's disease and barely able to recognize her son, his wife, and her grandchildren. This is what made it possible for us to leave the UK, almost two years ago, and restart our lives here in South Texas.
I guess I have resigned myself to having lost my mother already but it still upsets me to think of her alone in the UK even although she is settled in her own little bubble world.
This picture must be over ten years old as it predates my marriage and Jenna the dog looks so very young; mother looks happy too.
In her day she has dined with Cary Grant, entertained Chic Murray and Jimmy Logan in her home (these two gentlemen were famous Scottish entertainers in their day) and lunched with an adviser to Presidents of the United States. The family was involved in the Movie Theater business in Edinburgh, Scotland during the 1950's thus accounting for her association with celebrities; the adviser to presidents she just knew as a friend from the neighborhood in which she last lived in Edinburgh.

Little Ted's training wheel trauma

Well Sunday turned out to be a beautiful morning and Mrs Ted instructed Ted to take his son out and teach him to ride his bike WITHOUT training wheels. Out came the spanner precipitating a huge meltdown on the part of Little Ted who seems to have a bit of a mental block when it comes to belief in his ability to remain upright on two wheels.
Oh well off we went, on four wheels, to the dead end and Eddy decided to come with us on her scooter.
What a lovely time we had as Little Ted decided to play tag and announced that he had got close enough to his daddy to make him "it".
This is where it really all went horribly wrong; daddy chased Little Ted until he caught him and tapped him on the head declaring "your it again" and then ploughed straight into Eddy who had scooted up to see what all the noise was about.

Bad, bad daddy - hit Eddy on the forehead with his handlebars and made her cry. Oh the guilt, oh the worry, will she be alright? What will Mrs Ted say?
Luckily one of our neighbors was walking her dog near us and came over to help comfort Eddy and then carried her scooter home as Eddy got a piggy back ride from Ted.

Johnson the "dog raconteur" offers his opinion

Our family pet will be publishing "his" thoughts periodically at:
An Alternative view of life in the Ted family

Ted, rather conveniently, cannot be held responsible for the thoughts of a spaniel dog!

Interesting weather

Coming home from Corpus Christi today we were traveling under a dark cloud. It looked a bit like someone had pulled a shade down but had left a crack at the bottom of the window. We were kind of expecting to see a funnel cloud at any time but thankfully nothing transpired and we made it home safely.

Johnson reporting again ...

My human went to the dentist today - Valentines day!
No romantic dinner for him then!

This morning started with Ted bundling me into the truck at 7am and driving me off to sit in a parking lot for 30 minutes while he had blood work done. He then had the cheek to buy breakfast and drive to the church to eat with Mrs Ted, leaving me in the truck!!!!
Mind you he did take me for a good romp in the park after breakfast so I suppose I have no complaints.
After our walk, Ted said he had to go to the doctor so I had to stay at home 'cos it was getting hotter outside and I'd just fry in the truck - fair enough.
Ted's blood pressure was 178/72 which is apparently very good for him; the jury is still out on his cholesterol level but we live in hope.
After lunch I stayed at home guarding the Ted residence, which is my primary job, and Ted went to the dentist to have 2 crowns done. He came back looking just the same which is confusing because he told me he had to give the dentist an arm and a leg to do his crown work!
As far as I can tell Ted still has 2 legs and 2 arms but you never know - maybe the dentist has a lien on them now.

Sunday afternoon

Johnson here again; Ted said I needed a bath so we couldn't go cycling. Humph woof - what an excuse!
Oh well I quite enjoyed my bath and I did manage to shake myself all over Ted so he said we could go cycling after all as it would help to dry us both off.
8.6 mph is the optimum speed for drying us off because I don't even need to run and Ted can more or less keep up with me.
When we got back I got a treat for being good; Ted said it was "heartgard" but whatever it was it was very tasty!

Sunday mornin' all churchified

They grow up so fast.
Where is the little bundle I used to hold in my hands?

Remember me?

Hello, Johnson the dog here; I got left behind when the Teds were having their fun Saturday afternoon but, you know, I would just have got too hot and bothered being stuck in the truck while they were in these "no dogs allowed" places having their fun so I stayed home and guarded the house until the family came home.
I'm sorry I knocked over Eddy and Little Ted when they came home, I was just so excited to see them I forgot that I can jump up so high and knock little people over. Luckily no harm was done and they still love me.
Now where is Ted, I'm fixin to take him out cycling. He is too fat and his cholesterol level is higher than it should be so I have to force him out to exercise.

"TED! - get off that computer and let's go - woof, woof!"

Sunday Morning Coming Down

Not quite the beer and cigarette story of the Johnny Cash song but here is Little Ted showing appreciation of his Saturday boot purchase.
[I can confirm that he did NOT wear them to bed!]

Little Ted's Saturday - Part 3

Here can be seen some photographs taken during Saturday. I seem to have neglected to take any on the Corpus Christi leg of our journey which is a shame as the City was looking quite photogenic in the late afternoon sunshine. Oh well, another day perhaps.
The excitement of the day wore out certain members of the Ted family who could not stay awake to the end of our Saturday night movie:
"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End"

Little Ted's Saturday - Part 2

Off to Corpus Christi we went to a chorus of:
Child#1: "can we go to Chuck E Cheese?"
Mrs Ted: "No"
Child#2: "Toys R Us then, can we go to Toys R Us?"
Mrs Ted: "No"
Children: "WHAAAAAA!"
Mrs Ted: "Stop whining or we wont be going anywhere"

Silence for a nanosecond followed by:
Child#1: "can we go to Chuck E Cheese?"
etc, etc - you get the idea.

Eventually we arrived at Cavenders and went inside to seek out a replacement for Little Ted's red cowboy boots. Almost immediately he saw the John Deere display and shot off in that direction returning moments later with the boot of his choice. Not quite what his parents had in mind for him but if he is willing to wear them we are happy to go with his choice. He wears a size 11 right now, same as his 22 months older sister!, so we bought a size 13. They don't look excessively big on him, he is comfortable in them, and they will last him more than a couple of months so everyone was happy.

5pm now so it's back in the truck to head home and Eddy starts to chant:
"I want something"
"I want something" - over and over and over in her most irritating whiny voice.
Little Ted meantime is sitting quietly admiring his new boots.
The inside of a pickup truck is not the place you want to spend 40 minutes with a steadily increasing volume of discontented whining so I pulled into a parking lot, stopped the truck, got out and walked around to Eddy's door. Normally when Daddy does that it causes the Ted children to pause and consider their actions carefully. By the time I get to opening the door they have calmed down and are willing to reason. Not today, not Eddy, outside the truck I explained to her that she had two choices:
#1 carry on whining and being obnoxious and get a spanking (you can do that here!) or
#2 calm down, get back in the truck and you can have a jelly bean.
Sadly she was so far gone that all this did was change the mantra to:
"I don't want a jelly bean"
"I don't want a jelly bean"
So, back in the truck I head for the exit.
"By the time I get to the exit I want silence" announced Ted authoritatively (don't laugh)
Actually it worked; back on the road home there was barely an occasional whimper and eventually everyone was happy again ....

... until, that is, Mrs Ted said:
"what shall we have for dinner:

Children: "McDonalds"

TED & Mrs Ted: "NOoooooooooooooooo!"

Children: "Whaaaaaaaaaa!"

Ted: "BBQ, we'll have BBQ"

and so it was that the Ted family settled down for the evening in peace and harmony with their take out from Mac's Pit Barbecue and Catering on Market Street, Rockport.

Little Ted's Saturday - Part 1

"Today I want to go bowling" were the first words out of his mouth on Saturday morning.
I guess the seed was planted by his sister having recently attended two birthday parties at the bowling alley.
So, after Ted finished work, we bought lunch at Sonic, drove to the beach to eat, and then headed off to Aransas Pass and although the place was quite busy they did have a kiddy lane available.

Mrs Ted is the expert bowler in the family, having taken bowling as an option at college, and so expected to win the game by a good margin.
To digress; don't you just love a country where you can take bowling and wine appreciation as elective classes at college - what better way to prepare for a useful adult life!
Anyway things did not go quite as expected since Eddy appears to be a bit of a ringer when it comes to bowling and her mother won by only ONE point!
Little Ted did not fare so well, coming in fourth with a score of 61 but that did not bother him. In fact he was not particularly bothered at all by the rules of the game; he just wanted to throw balls down that lane as fast as he could regardless of whether the machine had finished setting up or even if it was someone else's turn. [Thanks for the 9 score Little Ted :-)]
A good time was had by all and after copious application of antibacterial gel - well those bowling balls are pretty disgusting you know and let's just skip over any thoughts about wearing hired bowling shoes please - we set off to Corpus Christi to buy Little Ted a new pair of boots.

Air travel and the Ted family or ...

... how we used to have an intercontinental travel habit but we've kicked it now.
"My name is Tartan Ted and I'm a habitual air traveler - or I was before I got better!"

Today, at work, I was asked how much it costs to travel home to Scotland. Of course my initial thought was to reprimand the person asking the question and remind them that they were eating into their corporate selling time and they should get on the phone to some customers. But heh, the boss had left the building so instead, I threw out some ball park figures.

When I first started traveling to Texas it cost about $350 per person return; the last time we flew as a family I think it cost around $3,000 total. But today, as confirmed by Internet research, our usual December trip would cost $4106 return in coach.
If we chose to travel business class that would rise to $29,583 and if we were deranged and had more money than we could remember losing - First class cost would be $59,995.

I suspect that the Ted family will be road tripping withing the State of Texas this year rather than spending even the coach fare to Scotland!

Chaos theory and the Ted family ...

If the flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a devastating tornado next month what does the future hold for the state of Eddy's room when she is a teenager?

On a totally unrelated topic, Mrs Ted and I attended a Valentine's Dinner this evening hosted by the youth group at our church. Little Ted and Eddy went to the nursery and we got to have dinner in adult company where no-one, and I watched carefully, ate food with their fingers - how refreshing. Furthermore it is now 2 hours later and I don't feel ill! It's a miracle - Ted ate out and didn't get an upset stomach.


Cousin Cindy passed away Monday ...

and for those friends, family, and anyone else who cares here is the link to the Ovarian Cancer site where you can make donations

Daddy, I saw a fish and, and ...

... it was this BIG!














Or maybe it was this big?

Ted and Johnson travel at 5mph

Ted decided to find out if Johnson would walk beside him whilst he cycled around the sub-division.
Admittedly we have not rounded the corner to find the deer grazing yet but so far Ted has remained on his bike and Johnson has been happy to walk along side. He does just walk! Not until you reach 10mph does he even break into a trot. Anyway, 5mph suits us both as Johnson is at walking pace and Ted can see himself surviving a crash at that speed!

Little Ted's choice of clothing ...

... A kilt and rugby shirt.

You know there are some people you just don't get on with and, no matter how you treat them, they still have that chip on their shoulder that makes them dump their c**p on you.
I had a moment of delicious joy this morning at work when one such person thought they were "dumping" on me by passing on a customer they did not feel inclined to help. After I had spoken to this customer they asked me which part of Scotland I came from and what brought me to South Texas.
To cut a long story short we had a pleasant conversation during which I told them of Little Ted's fondness for all things Scottish and that I thought he would like to play the bagpipes.
Turns out this lady plays and teaches the bagpipes right here in town. So we exchanged telephone numbers and Mrs Ted thinks it will be a good idea to assess his ability/desire to learn to play the bagpipes.
I guess the moral of the story is:
Dump on Ted if you wish but it will likely turn out favorable for him anyway!